Don’t buy me anything

Note to all husbands/fathers: When your wife tells you not to buy her a card that does not mean that she doesn’t want a present.

Okay, so I had told my husband not to worry about getting me a card for Mother’s Day. The green side of me didn’t want him spending $2.99 on a card that wasn’t made of recycled paper and that I would eventually end up in our recycling bin.

Well, he took that to mean that I didn’t want ANYTHING for Mother’s Day. Here is a good example where communication is key in a relationship. I was thinking no card, but I WAS thinking a nice little trinket of some kind.

Lucky for my husband, my boys both made me special presents at school. Their hand made presents were exactly what any mother would want on Mother’s Day. Art work, pictures, a coupons for “taking out the trash” and “hugs and kisses” all put a lump in my throat bigger than Texas.

Here is where the controversy lies. I even think is was a part of Hot Topics yesterday on The View.

My boys gave me presents because I am their mother and it was Mother’s Day. I guess I just assumed that my husband would take my boys out and do the whole “let’s buy something special for Mommy” thing. Something that would acknowledge my being mother to his two children and a way of saying “Thank you for who you are and what you do.” I didn’t want anything expensive; nothing fancy or grand. Just a little “I love you” present.

But he didn’t.

Yes, I agree with everyone who says that mothers should be thanked every day, not just one day a year, but that’s not the way it works. We mothers get one Sunday in May to be pampered and appreciated. The other 364 are left over for us to continue to meet everyone else’s needs with a muffled “thanks, Mom” thrown in every once in a while. It was my one day and I got the shaft.

Don’t get me wrong; we had a special day planned. We were visiting my mom and step-dad at their beach house. My mom and I went on a home tour and had a lovely time. We sat on the beach with the boys and took them swimming on the pool. It was a fun day and we all enjoyed spending time together. I shouldn’t be moaning or groaning about a thing, but Gifts are my Love Language.

A Love Language is something that speaks to your heart. It’s your currency; what you respond to. When someone gives me a thoughtful gift, I feel the love that they have for me. Some people respond to Words of Affirmation, others respond to Touch, etc. But Gifts are my thing, and lately my husband has sucked at giving me any.

He didn’t always used to be that way. Some of the most wonderful things that he has ever given me or done for me cost next to nothing. When they say it is the “thought that counts”, that really is the truth. So to me, no gift on Mother’s Day was sort of like saying, “I really didn’t think enough about you to do anything special for you today.”

So how do you say that you’re feelings are hurt about not receiving a gift without sounding selfish and materialistic? It’s hard to do. You feel like a 5-year-old, whining that you didn’t get the toy that you wanted.

My husband truly thought that I didn’t want anything–again, a serious lack of communication. I told him that from now on we just shouldn’t buy presents for each other so no one would feel obligated to do so and no one would ever feel disappointed. I guess I sort of meant it.

I’m still unclear about what we decided. I think that we are going to start taking the money that we would use to buy presents for each other and start a separate savings account. We’ve often talked about wanting to go back to Italy (one of the places we went on our honeymoon) so this savings account would be for a special trip like that. It’s a great idea, and maybe we’ll actually do it.

But today is a new day. There are things to do, children to drive places. No more time to bitch about getting or not getting presents. I love my husband and children and they are the best presents anyone could have.

Blah…blah…blah. Whatever.

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