Kid-proofing your home? Whatever.

Like most new moms, I was vigilant about baby-proofing my house. I made sure all of the outlets were covered, all of the lower level cabinets and drawers locked. I moved all of the medicine and harmful chemicals well out of reach and covered the the corners of tables with bumper pads.

But apparently baby-proofing and kid-proofing are two different things.

This morning the Golfer took the boys to the park to play, giving me the wonderful opportunity to be alone…so I could clean the house in peace.

Like most cleaning moms, I had the television on to keep me company. Flipping through the channels, I stopped on Rachael Ray’s daytime talk show. There was a very interesting discussion about causal sex, and even though the subject no longer (if ever) applies to me, I thought I’d stop and give a listen.

But that wasn’t the part of the show that interested me the most. The really interesting part of today’s show was a segment titled “Kid-proofing your home.”

The story was about a woman named Dawn who, God bless her, has four young boys. As the camera toured her house, she showed the audience where the boys had broken windows, ripped up carpet, broken furniture, etc. I was horrified!

The worst part was when she took the camera crew outside to show them part of the siding that the boys had beaten with their dad’s golf clubs. There were large indentions where the golf clubs had hit the siding.

Obviously, these kids have one hell of a follow through.

The poor mom, Dawn, just looked exhausted and at her wit’s end. And who could blame her. Being a mother IS exhausting, especially if you are living with demon children.

A DIY buddy of Rachael’s showed the audience ways/tricks to kid-proof your home, like cutting out stains in the carpet and changing out your windows with shatter-proof glass.

Uh, yeah…whatever.

How about this idea for kid-proofing your home? How about teaching your children that it is not okay to color on the walls or destroy furniture? How making it crystal clear to your children that you will make them live outside with the dogs if they continue to treat their home with such disrespect?

Just a thought.

I’m not claiming to understand what this mother lives with day-in and day-out, and excuse me for saying it, but where the hell was this mother when her children were beating the sh*t out of the side of the house? I don’t claim to keep an eye on my boys 24/7, but if they were beating the house with their dad’s golf clubs so badly as to leave permanent marks, I think I’d know about it.

So here’s my kid-proofing tip of the day: If you teach your kids from the git-go that coloring on the walls is NOT okay, then most likely you won’t have to spend money on expensive, ugly wallpaper that is washable.

Just a thought.


  1. Dawn

    Great post, as usual!Sounds like Dawn and her kids should have been on Super Nanny instead of Rachel Ray! The nanny would have straightened that lady straight out!

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