I had a birthday the other day. I’m older. I’m not wiser, fitter, or smarter. Just older. That’s it. Nothing more.
Lots of people made resolutions the other day. Because my birthday is on January 1st, resolutions make sense for me. It’s truly the start of a new year for me–not just on the calendar, but in my life as well.
But I don’t make resolutions. I’m one of those surly people that don’t believe in them. It’s kind of like making a budget to follow. You can write it down and vow to follow it, but if you don’t believe in your heart, it just ain’t gonna happen.
So I didn’t make a resolution this year either. Instead, I made a promise. What’s the difference you ask? Well, technically, probably nothing. I think breaking a promise just sounds a whole lot worse than breaking a resolution. Breaking a resolution makes you sound normal. Breaking a promise makes you sound like a jerk.
I made a promise to myself. I made a promise to myself that this year I will finally lose that weight the REAL WAY. What’s the REAL WAY you ask? Well, it isn’t dieting or taking some pill that makes you feel like your on Speed.
We all know that there’s only one REAL WAY to lose weight: eat less and exercise more. And I’m not good at either of those things.
I like to eat. I’ll admit it. I’ll even admit that I have issues with food. I eat when I’m stressed, I eat when I’m bored, I eat because it’s there…etc., etc. But mostly, my issue with food has nothing to do with food and has more to do with telling myself no. I’m not good at being told “no” to something–that only makes me what it more. Tell me that I can’t have something and I’ll work just that much harder to get it. So, tell me that I can’t eat that bag of Halloween candy and I’m going to do everything in my power to eat the whole damn thing.
My other problem is that I HATE to exercise. I am just not an athletic person. And because I don’t think that I’m an athletic person, I’ve convinced myself over the years that I’m not good at exercising. And again, because someone is telling me that I should be doing it just makes me fight against actually doing it.
Instead of a personal trainer, I probably need a shrink. A shrink would probably be cheaper.
But I do get that I need to lose some weight. I realize that I come from a line of overweight women on both sides of my family, and that if I’m not careful, I will find myself in their XL clothes in no time. I really do want to be healthy and fit–I just have never wanted to do what it takes to get there.
I’ve been down this road before. “I’m going to change!” I’ve declared. “This time is different!” I’ve told myself. And even though I believed in what I was saying, I didn’t do anything or have any tools to really make it happen. I’ve joined gym after gym. I’ve bought expensive at-home equipment to use. I’ve bought weight loss pills from Singapore (or maybe it was only Canada.) Nothing has really worked.
Tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow things really are going to change. At least that’s what I’ve been telling myself.
Tomorrow I start working with a personal trainer. She told me that she’s helped lots of people lose weight–even one woman lose 100 pounds. I don’t need to lose that much, but knowing that she’s that good says a lot.
This year, things will be different. I’m promising myself, my kids, and my husband that I really will lose it this time. Oh, I know that they love me regardless, but sometimes I make it harder to love me when I’m in a constantly bitchy mood because my jeans are too tight.
Tomorrow starts 3 days a week with a trainer, 6 days a week of exercising. If I’m not dead by the end of the week, I’ll let you know how it goes.