You know how anorexics walk around believing they are fat when in truth they are very, very skinny? I have the opposite problem. I walk around thinking that I look just fine and then I see a picture of myself and realize that some 40-year-old fat woman has taken over my body without asking my permission!
So I’m off today. Off to the doctor. I’m wishing that it was a plastic surgeon so he/she could replace this irritable fat woman with a much more desirable version of myself, but no. I’m actually going to see a naturopathic doctor to look me over from head-to-toe. I’m tired of working out and getting nowhere. I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of constantly waking up with a headache (“It’s not a tumor!”) So as a 40th birthday treat to myself, I’m going to find out what’s wrong with me.
The Golfer offered to tell me what was wrong with me for free. Yeah, he’s hysterical.
I’m just hoping that this doctor doesn’t tell me that this cranky 40-year-old fat woman has permanently taken over my body and I should just learn to meditate and get over it. Cuz that would really suck.
(P.S. I had no intention of anyone ever seeing the above picture. Sure, it’s great of the boys. They look quite sweet actually. But there’s this fat woman in between them and she’s really starting to piss me off.)